Cricket on Doordarshan

The on going series between India and Pakistan has been a far cry from my expectations. The matches seem dull, and the Indo-Pak rivalry doesn't seem to have triggered the fanaticism in the crowd that it normally used to. What makes the matches even dull is the DD panel of commentators, who can go to any length just to make sure that by the time the match concluded, you would have exhausted your dictionary of verbals and probably, gone ahead to create a few new ones too!!!

The commentary in Hindi is hilariously stupid and the English commentators leave no stone unturned in blowing the pronunciations and grammar of the Queen's language to pieces. I really wonder how on earth, do these people get to commentate, when their basics of english grammar is still not clear. The usage of the same expressions, over and over again, to describe a particular shot or a wicket makes the match coverage pretty depressing.

"This is a lovely ball 'balled' by an Irfan Pathan. The ball hit the deck and climbed on a Salman Butt.".... "... a beautiful sound of ball hitting timber was generated by a fastest man , the Shoaib Akhtar"... "Tendulkar slashed the bat (????) and the bat will fetch him a four run(??)."
These are some common remarks I hear in their presentation. It goes on to get worse with something like "The India has beaten the Pakistan by a large (??) margin. As per aa-war records, the India has beaten their opposing team by 46 huge runs!!" I mean this is ridiculous. Even my dogs know the correct usage of the articles and start barking the moment they hear such blunders. (Not surprisingly enough, my dogs keeps barking the entire time these morons commentate!)

And this is NOT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! What finally makes you turn suicidal are those irritating ads. The moment the batsman connects the last ball of the over, DD decides to go in for a break. The fate of that particular ball is unknown till the next bowler is about to deliver the first ball of his over. The channel seems hell bent on showing as many ads as possible,and in doing so, forgetting what they really should be showing. If somehow they return live and realise that they can push in another 4-5 ads before the viewers hear the sweet sound of the ball hitting the meat of the bat, they will not hesitate to do so. I'm totally on board with the concept of generating millions of rupees through advertisements during such a high profile match. But it irks me to know that it is being done so, at the cost of the match itself.

As an ardent Indian supporter, I wish to atleast know the fate of the last delivery. I so desire that a beauty of a classic drive or the peach of a delivery, gets the deserved recognition by these commentators.

Cricket is a religion in India. Every match which involves India is like a high profile Yagna and the commentary is the recital of the shlokas. As in a yagna, you cannot recite wrong shlokas and mantras because you don't want to suffer the wrath of the Gods. The same applies to cricket and probably this is why our team can never get everything right in a game.

Its high time DD recruits a few able commentators who actually know how to commentate and make the game worth watching. If cricket is a religion, then we obviously don't want the wrong pundits performing the puja cos afterall, its all about appeasing the cricket Gods... isn't it????