Monday, July 20, 2009

The Medical Certificate!!

I am a sick person... I am regularly MEDICALLY sick... I know my dear friends like Kislay and Mocking Bird might also add that I maybe mentally sick as well... but lets leave that aside for the time being.

This is the story of me appearing for a semester paper during my engineering days in college. I do not wish to name my college, but I will tell you that I belonged to Electrical discipline. I am sure if any of my readers happens to be an engineer, he/she will leave no stone unturned in extending all his sympathies with me.

So this glorious day... the day of my examination, I woke up feeling very uneasy. My head felt heavy and my eyes reeled. I was regularly overcome with this urge to throw up... Before I left for my paper, I even threw up twice. Apparently last nights' chicken curry did not agree very well with my digestive system. I knew I shouldn't have had the chicken, but then the Human mind is a very greedy entity. It reasons with your digestive system and convinces you that even if the chicken curry is smelling weird, you should feast on it. It's a sin to waste food. Being a regular church going catholic, I decided not to commit the sin, and devour the chicken anyway. Little did I know that ten hours hence, I would be this miserable...

I somehow reached the exam hall. I had prepared well for my paper. I took my seat in the exam hall, and looked at the question paper. I was delighted. I knew almost everything. Passing finally would no longer be more difficult that discovering the nonexistent G-spot! I picked up my pen and started answering the questions. Boy I was smiling then. There was a song on my lips and warmth in my soul.

Just when I had attempted for 10 marks, I felt it coming. Rising from the depths of my incessantly bloating tummy, I could feel it travel up.. up... upwards. I knew I had to puke. I got up... rushed to the invigilator and told him, "Sir, I am sick and I have to go and vomit!!"

What he said next, baffled me. He said ,"Well, do you have a medical certificate to vomit??"

I argued, as I felt the chicken almost flying up my esophagus at the rate of knots , " Sir, how the hell was I supposed to know that my tummy will be screwing me up so bad today??"

I was told to either get out of the class and not be allowed to continue the exam, or shut my hole and continue writing the exam.

I had no option, so I rushed to the window and hurled. Yes sir, I did. Brave move, some might say. When I was half way through, he told me to leave the class and wash my face. I thought he was allowing me to go out. I ran out... rushed to the Men's room and ...... then I washed my face, and rushed back, only to be told that I wasn't allowed to enter the hall!!

"No... I told you... if you go out, no coming in," barked the invigilator. I was dumb founded and was again told to produce a medical certificate which allowed me to throw up during the exam hour.

As I walked back to my room, with my future looking as "bright" as Jayalalitha's lipsticks, I couldn't believe how insensitive teachers could be. Hmph!!

I went to director with my complaint, but even he saw reasoning in me being debarred from re-entering the room. I still can't. I'm not even sure if there is a medical cerrtificate which reads

" Daniel is my patient, and please allow him to vomit during exam hours. He suffers from XYZ disease.
signed Dr. Blah Blah Blah"

That doesn't even make sense!! atleast not to me... but then people call me a weirdo. Maybe that's why I can never fathom such rules.