The Proposal

"Danny... I need my space. I can't go on living like this. I'm sorry, but it's over!! I don't love you... There is someone else in my life", she screamed at me, as she stormed out of the restaurant.


I sat there dazed, trying to fathom what just happened, as the murmurs of people around me grew louder.. louder... and then just as it started, it died down.The elderly couple sitting on the opposite table, stared at me intently, trying to peer into my soul , trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I felt something buzzing in my ears. Bewildered that I was, I looked around to see the waiter leaning over to my shoulder. He looked sympathetic.


"Sir," the waiter whispered, "Ummm...would you still be proposing tonight?"


"I don't know!" I wondered, "Did she just dump me?" I inquired.


"I think so, sir!!", he answered.


"You really think so??", I inquired to be doubly sure.


"I think I heard her scream that it was over... Sir!!"


"Oh yeah!!" I nodded, "She did say that.... but ... We were together for all these years. What happened?" I asked him, still looking dazed.


"I think she said there is someone else... sir", he replied.


"How do you know?" I mumbled.


"She screamed that as well sir."


"Yes, She did say that..." I nodded again, " but do you think she meant it??" I added foolishly.


He silently agreed.


"Sir, I think I'll let you be alone for a few minutes before I come to take your order!!"


"No... that's ok! I think I should go."


I got up to leave when he said, "Sir... Here's the ring... and here's the bill." He handed me the ring, still looking at me sympathetically. I paid the bill, making sure I tipped him well. The elderly couple mumbled something more while I walked out of the restaurant, still bewildered and confused.

An Honest Prayer

Bhagwan, PEDC mein naiyya paar lagi to,


Church mein nariyal phod kar aunga...


Chadhaunga ek kilo motichoor ke laddoo,


n I promise, usme se ek bhi main nahi khaunga.


Paper likh kar jitni gaali di hai maine,


Un gaaliyon ko na kabhi dohraunga...


"Hello" "Hi" "Dude, Wassup" chchor,


sirf "Hail Mary" ki rat lagaunga...


Jitni baar pray karte waqt, tujhpar kam,


aur sundariyon par zyada dhyan lagaya hai...


Bhagwaan......I swear ...sab tyaag dunga main,


maan jaunga ki ye sab moh maaya hai!!


Bus bhagwan.. naiyya paar laga de meri...


Aur na tujhse koi meri arzi hai...


Daal raha hu sau ke 5 patte Donation box mein,


Maan jaa... baaki ......jo teri marzi hai!!!!

For Whom The Bell Tolled........

"Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever thou hadst formed the earth and the world, even from everlasting to everlasting, thou art God"
Psalm 90:2

Dearest brother,



It just seems like yesterday, that I was standing by your coffin , as people gathered to wish you their final goodbyes. It seems like yesterday that I was kneeling in church, as Father Mathew conducted the Requiem. It seems like yesterday that mother fainted when you were being taken away for burial... and it also seems like yesterday that I stood by watching, as your coffin disappeared slowly while they filled your grave with earth. The mournful "In paradisum" still rings in my ears... and yet, tomorrow, it'll be a year since we laid you to rest.



I don't have much recollection of how a year passed by. They say, Time heals all wounds. But nobody says, how long does it take to heal... or to even,stop hurting. We're still shocked that you're gone and we miss you so much... Mother spends hours, sitting by your grave and talking to herself. Father keeps re-reading the letters we used to write home from school... Shirley and Cathy always try to keep smiling, and Isabella keeps asking me when is her daddy returning. She was so upset when you didn't turn up for her birthday. I don't know what to tell her. She just knows that Daddy has gone to Jesus, and waits everyday for you to return. I have not the heart to tell her that you're not coming back. All of us are still trying to get on with our lives, but something or the other keeps happening which doesn't let us move on.



The media is always calling us up and they think that by doing this, they are doing us a great service. For the past one year we've been hounded by the local media for "reactions, interviews, debates" and what not!! We've changed our numbers because of them, and yet they manage to find out our new contact numbers. They ask questions like "What was your son doing in the Taj?"... "Do you miss him?"... "How did he die?"... "Which terrorist killed him??"... "What were his last words?", and none of them bother to be polite. We can't even grieve in peace. I have lost all respect for the media. Even our suffering is used to up their TRPs. I wish you were here, and even if these newsmen had come, both of us would have definitely been able to kick them away... but alone, I don't think I have the might to fight such hyenas!!

One question which they asked Dad was about, how he felt about the lone surviving terrorist, and if he was upset that the terrorist hasn't been hanged till now? Dad said, "I neither sympathise, nor empathise with him. But, I feel sorry for him. More than punishing this chap, we should punish those who indoctrinate these young people with such radical thoughts!!" I wonder how Dad finds the strength to forgive him.Earlier I was upset that he said so, but maybe Dad is right.



As usual, a lot of politics has played out since the past one year. Big big politicians make big big promises. Narendra Modi said he'll give money to the families of all those who suffered like you. I wish he had died instead of you. They think that money will fill the void in our hearts. The local MLA had come to offer "condolence" and "be with us in times of difficulty". You were right, when you said that all these politicians were the same... unsympathetic.. selfish..pompous and ill-mannered.



I wish God hadn't called you from us so soon. The only way we console ourselves is by saying to each other that He wants the best people with Him, so that they don't suffer the ills of mankind... and you were amongst the very best. I wish I could tell you how proud all of us have been of you. I know you watch over us all, from above... but I wish you could come and console Mother and Isabella.



Remember the cherry tree you planted?? I kept saying it'll never bloom and you said it will. You were so right... it finally bloomed, and the blossoms were so beautiful. Mother and Isabella made a small bouquet out of them, and placed it on your grave. I hope you liked them.



We have early winters this year. Its snowed a lot. Mother keeps worrying that you might be very cold. I told her that she needn't worry for you were resting with God, and am sure you'll be very comfortable up above. But then you know our Mother. Not a moment goes by, when we do not think of you. The initial days were very difficult. We'd keep waiting for you at the dining table... I know that gradually I might accept that you are no longer with us, but I doubt if Mother will ever feel so. Mother still lays out a plate for you...


I am sorry I wasn't there with you at the end. None of us know what must have gone through your mind, and all that you must have endured. The more I think about all that you must have suffered, the more troubled it troubles me. I tried to get all the information I could. I wrote to many people. Some were kind enough to reply, and I thank them for all the information they could share with us.


"Dust thou art, and unto dust shall thou return"...All of us are made of Dust.. and it is to Dust that we shall return... It's so true. I wish I had paid more attention to the sermons. You always told us to seek refuge in the Lord, during times of tribulation... so i have turned to Him with a hope that He will guide us through our grief.


You've left me with huge shoes to fill and I know you will continue to guide me like you have always done. If only Life could be lived in retrospect...


On the day of the Judgement, when the Lord judges the living and the dead, I know we'll all be forever re-united. Till then.....We miss you.....

Fondly remembered by.... All of us!!

"Behold, I tell you a mystery. We shall all indeed rise again: but we shall not all be changed. In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet: for the trumpet shall sound and the dead shall rise again incorruptible. And we shall be changed. For this corruptible must put on incorruption: and this mortal must put on immortality. And when this mortal hath put on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written: Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is thy victory? O death, where is thy sting? Now the sting of death is sin: and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who hath given us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye steadfast and unmoveable: always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labour is not in vain in the Lord."
Corinthians 15:51-58

The Medical Certificate!!

I am a sick person... I am regularly MEDICALLY sick... I know my dear friends like Kislay and Mocking Bird might also add that I maybe mentally sick as well... but lets leave that aside for the time being.

This is the story of me appearing for a semester paper during my engineering days in college. I do not wish to name my college, but I will tell you that I belonged to Electrical discipline. I am sure if any of my readers happens to be an engineer, he/she will leave no stone unturned in extending all his sympathies with me.

So this glorious day... the day of my examination, I woke up feeling very uneasy. My head felt heavy and my eyes reeled. I was regularly overcome with this urge to throw up... Before I left for my paper, I even threw up twice. Apparently last nights' chicken curry did not agree very well with my digestive system. I knew I shouldn't have had the chicken, but then the Human mind is a very greedy entity. It reasons with your digestive system and convinces you that even if the chicken curry is smelling weird, you should feast on it. It's a sin to waste food. Being a regular church going catholic, I decided not to commit the sin, and devour the chicken anyway. Little did I know that ten hours hence, I would be this miserable...

I somehow reached the exam hall. I had prepared well for my paper. I took my seat in the exam hall, and looked at the question paper. I was delighted. I knew almost everything. Passing finally would no longer be more difficult that discovering the nonexistent G-spot! I picked up my pen and started answering the questions. Boy I was smiling then. There was a song on my lips and warmth in my soul.

Just when I had attempted for 10 marks, I felt it coming. Rising from the depths of my incessantly bloating tummy, I could feel it travel up.. up... upwards. I knew I had to puke. I got up... rushed to the invigilator and told him, "Sir, I am sick and I have to go and vomit!!"

What he said next, baffled me. He said ,"Well, do you have a medical certificate to vomit??"

I argued, as I felt the chicken almost flying up my esophagus at the rate of knots , " Sir, how the hell was I supposed to know that my tummy will be screwing me up so bad today??"

I was told to either get out of the class and not be allowed to continue the exam, or shut my hole and continue writing the exam.

I had no option, so I rushed to the window and hurled. Yes sir, I did. Brave move, some might say. When I was half way through, he told me to leave the class and wash my face. I thought he was allowing me to go out. I ran out... rushed to the Men's room and ...... then I washed my face, and rushed back, only to be told that I wasn't allowed to enter the hall!!

"No... I told you... if you go out, no coming in," barked the invigilator. I was dumb founded and was again told to produce a medical certificate which allowed me to throw up during the exam hour.

As I walked back to my room, with my future looking as "bright" as Jayalalitha's lipsticks, I couldn't believe how insensitive teachers could be. Hmph!!

I went to director with my complaint, but even he saw reasoning in me being debarred from re-entering the room. I still can't. I'm not even sure if there is a medical cerrtificate which reads

" Daniel is my patient, and please allow him to vomit during exam hours. He suffers from XYZ disease.

signed Dr. Blah Blah Blah"

That doesn't even make sense!! atleast not to me... but then people call me a weirdo. Maybe that's why I can never fathom such rules.

News At Nine

( The post below is a figment of imagination, and is not intended to mock any particular journalist or news channel. Any reporter/journalist/TV news channel producer, who comes across this post, is advised to click here, and enjoy the posts of one of my good friends. Those of you who decide to read this 'informative post', should do so at your own risk. Any one of you , who tries to screw me Barkha Dutt style should know that I am a VERY POOR man and I cannot afford to pay any legal fees. )

In the brightly lit studio of INB news channel, sits the famous bespectacled journalist Pranab Dutta, along with Billo Kumari, flashing a broad smile. The news desk is lit, the mic has been hooked to them, as the producer shouts, "Silence.... Pranab, we are rolling in 3.... 2.... 1.... go!!" The studio thunders with music and as it dies out....

Pranab Dutta- "Hello and welcome to the news at nine, on your favourite news channel... INB, which was also the most viewed news channel during the latest Lok Sabha Elections. Please DO NOT.. and I repeat.. DO NOT believe the other channels when they try and claim to be the number 1 news channel. We, and only WE at INB news have been awarded the recognition of being India's NUMBER ONE news channel.. the numero uno... and we have displayed it on our website with the COA stamp. Lets proceed with the headlines...

(fading music)

Manmohan Singh caught on camera taking orders from someone other than Sonia Gandhi , and that is our INB news EXCLUSIVE...


Lal Krishna Advani admits that Narendra Modi was bullying him during the campaign, and lodges complaint with Rajnath Singh...


In International news that we are tracking... Pakistan PM admits that he has a crush on Mayawati...


and in sports, Force India finally scores a point in the Turkey GP..."

(music dies out completely)

Billo Kumari- "In a surprising incident which your favourite news channel caught on tape, prime minister Manmohan Singh was caught taking orders from a lady, other than Sonia Gandhi. This has infuriated Mrs. Gandhi, and she has been reportedly, sulking in 10 Janpath, along with the other Congress loyalists, with many clamouring for his immediate resignation."

P.D- "What is even more surprising are the reports of Lal Krishna Advani, calling up Mrs. Gandhi, and consoling her. Your beloved news channel has also learnt that Shree Advani has requested Mrs. Gandhi to declare this as a national tragedy. This rather bizarre request has also found resonance in the Congress party. For more on this, lets join our reporter Gurcharan, who has been tracking this news.... Gurcharan, what do you have for us....???"

Gurcharan (over the video phone)- "Yes Pranab... As soon as we had a whiff of this news, we got into our News Channel Van (which has been voted as the sexiest News van in India), and reached the PM's residence. En route, we decided to have lunch at Kakke Da Dhaba. We ordered three plates of Butter Chicken, 30 Butter Naans, 11 Cokes and..."

P.D.- "Gurcharan, .. Gur.. Gurcharan... That is besides the point.. and remember that the channel will not reimburse you for your lunch... What happened when you reached the PM's residence..??"

Gurcharan- "Yes Pranab.. like I was saying.. After a good heavy lunch, we went to the PM's house and saw a woman, in her late 60s, entering the house. Dr. Manmohan came out to greet her, and she told him to fetch her mobile phone from the car. Dr. Manmohan Singh immediately obliged and fetched her mobile from a rather odd looking Maruti 800. Pranab, you can clearly see in the video that we sent you, how Manmohan Singh's facial expression changes when he realises that he has been filmed...."

B.K- "Indeed Gurcharan, he seems to have seen a ghost... His face is all white, and you can clearly see him trying to run away as soon as possible... Gurcharan... You've done the nation proud... Great work... We are joined in our Delhi studio by none other than the spokesperson for the BJP, Shree Priyesh Javlekar... "

B.K(turning to Priyesh Javlekar) - "Javlekar sahab, what is this?? The PM of our country, a country which is looked upon by the world, to be the most moral of the nations... and it is our PM.. a man known for his honesty.. a man renowned for his loyalty... a man known for his faithfullness.. a man loved by many... a man who goes to Saint George Bush and tells him that ALL OF INDIA LOVES HIM...and now, he is caught taking orders from some unknown woman...what do you make of all this?? "

Priyesh Javlekar- "Exactly as you are seeing today. The PM has brought shame shame poppy shame to the nation. I think the PM should own moral responsibility for this rather immoral act, and step down from his post. PM should be ashamed of his act. He is too old to be flirting now. I am sure BJP will provide a better and moral government at the center. When i heard this news on your channel, I was.."

P.D (cutting short Mr. Javlekar)- "yes sir, only OUR CHANNEL has this exclusive news and that's why are NUMBER ONE...."

P.J.- "Egg-jactly.... yeah, like I was saying... When I heard this news on your channel..."

P.D (cutting short Mr. Javlekar again)- "its not just "YOUR" channel sir.. it is the nations channel, and it is the love of the people that makes us the best... please continue.."

P.J.- "Yes Yes... absolutely.. as I was saying.. when I saw the news on the nations favourite channel, i was..."

P.D (cutting short Mr. Javlekar again)- "It is also the number one news channel sir... and we have documentary proof as well..."

P.J.- "Well... As i was saying, when I heard this news on the nations favourite number one channel, I was appalled... My wife fainted on hearing the news, and I had a tough time carrying her back to bed... "

P.D.- "But Mr. Javlekar, I want to know the truth, and nothing but the truth.. the truth as true as colour of your beard... what guarantee can you give the nation, this great nation of great people... that .... (Loud Music) .. ladies and gentlemen, we have BREAKING NEWS COMING IN... BREAKING NEWS... Yes, it is a breaking news... over to you Niharika..."

Niharika- "Well.. thank you Pranab and Billo... In breaking news that is just coming in, we have learnt that Katrina Kaif has rejected Salman Khan's marriage proposal... Salman Khan had proposed to Katrina, on his 43rd birthday, and Katrina said she needed time to think. Today, on her 20th birthday, Katrina Kaif has finally rejected his proposal citing the age difference as the major issue. It is ,reportedly , learnt that Katrina told Salman that she looked up to him, as a father like figure and that she had no daddy issues, thus isn't stupid enough to get married to someone twice her age. Salman Khan has been reported to be sulking and has gone to get drunk with his friends. Going by Salman Khan's past driving record, public is warned against sleeping on the streets tonight. We'll continue to monitor this rather important national news....Important to all the girls you see.. who knows, maybe he'll marry me.. My sapnon ka rajkumar... (blush .. blush)..Over to you Pranab...."

Pranab Dutta - "Well... All the best with your dreams Niharika, and I'll hope Katrina Kaif marries me....(turning to Mr. Javlekar) Anyway, Mr. Javlekar, it was nice having you in our studio... I especially love your new kurta... Kahan se silwayi??? (Mr. Javlekar blushes)...Anyway, its time to slip into a very short commercial break... when we come back, we'll tell you why Advani is pissed off with Modi... don't you dare touch that remote and tune into TIMES NOW or NDTV or CNN... "

(Commercials and loud Music... Mr. Javlekar gives the address of his tailor to Pranab Dutta, and wishes all a good night.... Make Up man rushin to retouch Billo's make up... producer shouts.. "3...2..1... and we are back)

B.K- "Welcome back everyone... Now Advani has registered a complaint with Rajnath Singh, the party president of the BJP, complaing about him being bullied by Narendra Modi, during the LS election campaigning in Gujarat. To discuss this, we are joined now, by the Congress Spokesperson Abhishek Milkshake Manusmriti... Mr. AMM, what do you make of this??"

AMM- "Well, Billo, we always knew that BJP campaign was flawed because during these elections, I heard stories of Advani running around and fetching a glass of water for Narendra Modi. Mr. Modi has for long, been seen as the new PM in waiting, and Advani jee was sad because Atal Bihari jee couldn't campaign this time. Modi took full advantage of Advani's emotional state and bullied Advani everywhere. I suggest, that criminal case should be filed against Modi and Advani be given a packet of paper napkins to dry his tears..Infact, I have decided to sponsor a packet of paper tissue for him."

P.D- "Ah.. Abhishek jee... You have spoken like a true gentleman... Even though you kicked their butts in the last elections, you still are willing to offer advice for the revival of the BJP... Kudos to you.. You are just like our news channel.. Humble.. Polite... Never show off... Atleast you have given some respect to a man, who is no longer wanted in the party... I salute you.. I honour you.. here, I even wanna smooch you... come..."

AMM- "Errr... pranab... you are forgetting that this is a live news channel... you don't want to excite karan Johar, do you??? Maybe later .. haan?"

B.K- "btw, abhishek... who is this new woman whom Manmohan singh is taking orders from?? "

AMM- "Arey, you idiots.. that is Mrs. Manmohan Singh... "

P.D- "Mrs. Singh????? our PM is a married man??"

AMM- "and you bloody losers... Sonia jee is not sulking.. she has fever and that is why she is indoors at 10 janpath Advani jee only called to wish her to get well soon."

P.D- "well... now we have a breaking news... we can confirm to you that Mr. Manmohan singh is a married man!! We are first news channel to tell you that and we shall be applying for a patent as well....Anyway, since Manmohan Singh is a married man, thus he is allowed to take orders from his wife as well... well I take orders from her...with "her", I mean, MY WIFE and not Mrs Manmohan Singh!! I think everyone in this great nation, takes orders from their wives.. because wives make a man... man makes a husband... husband gets a wife... wife gives orders... I don't know what I'm saying.. so lets slip into another short break.... "

(Commercials... Abhishek Manusmriti abusing the news wale.. Producer shouts... 3 ... 2... 1... )

P.D. - "Welcome back once again... In a day, which got more bizarre by the hour, Pakistan Prime Minister confessed to our news channel that he had the hots for Mayawati. Lets listen in to what he said to our correspondent, Noor Jahan in Pakistan"

(excerpts from the interview)

Noor Jahan- "PM Gilani, is it true that you have a secret crush on the Chief Minister of uttar pradesh in India.. Begum Mayawati??"

PM Gilani- "Yes, it is true that I fancy Mayawati ... Not only me... All our previous premiers have fancied her... I first saw her when ISI chief got her picture from his agents in India... I told him then and there , that I want this bombshell... "

Noor Jahan- " But we have reports that after you said that, the ISI chief ordered bombs blasts in India??"

PM Gilani- "Arey that bastard is hard of hearing and has no brains... He obviously misunderstood me, and planted bombs in egg shells across India... Honest mistake!! I confronted him and told him.."arey duffer.. not bomb in an egg shell.. I meant... wo wali bomb... pataka ... maal... samjha???"

Noor Jahan- ".... and ??!!"

PM Gilani- "As usual, he misunderstood me, and told his agents to blow up a pataka factory in India... (sigh).. the relations between India and Pakistan have always been based on misunderstandings... What to do??"

Noor Jahan- "... it is also reported that ISI was behind the attacks on the Indian Embassy in Kabul??"

PM Gilani- "Well... I called up that jerk... and told him.. Better control yourself... I love Mayawati, but it doesn't mean that you should plant bombs in India... understand?? Learn to control yourself.. KABU!!! CONTROL!!"

Noor Jahan- "Well, its quite clear how Kabu became Kabul... "

(Back to New Delhi Studio... Pranab Dutta and Billo Kumari looking shocked...)

Billo Kumari (in suppressed voice)- "Would you believe it?? Mayawati is supposed to be hot in pakistan, and no one gives me any bhao in this news channel also.. huh!!"

Pranab Dutta- "It is shocking to learn how a country, run by sexually frustrated people, cause such massive problems for their peace loving neighbours... I say, let us give them Mayawati... and send them all those ugly elephant sculptures as a sign of good will too... good riddance for us... Maybe that will cement relationships between India and Pakistan!!"

Billo Kumari- "In sports, on a day which , like we said, and WE ONLY SAID... because we are the number one news channel, giving you the maximum number of breaking news, and as we said.. today was a BIZARRE DAY.. and don't believe the other news channels when they say the same thing because we, your beloved channel, are telling you that it was a BIZARRE day... in a day full of surprises, Force India registered its first Formula One GP points in Turkey. Giancarlo Fishicella finished third behind the two ferraris. A crash in the penultimate lap by Adrian Sutil, triggered a chain reaction, as other 14 cars rammed into each other one by one."

Pranab Dutta- "Well, thats it for the tonight show, at News at Nine, on your favourite news channel, INB news... Your trusted.. beloved and YOUR VERY OWN CHANNEL.. and we salute you for your love, and please stay tuned for our next show on this channel... Saas Ki Murder karke Bahu Kahan Bhaagi... it is also an exclusive... see you tomorrow.. same time.. same place..

(Billo Kumari joins in)

"So this is me, Pranab and ... me, Billo, wishing you all a very good night... We'll see you again tomorrow... till then... Namaskar... yes dear friends, we also propagate our culture through our channel.. sorry.. YOUR channel... so... Pranaam... yes friends, this is another way of taking leave... So, all of you... GOODNIGHT"

(Music again.. Loud Music... as Pranab Dutta and Billo Kumari continue smiling at the camera)