Ekta Kapoor!!!

[Ekta Kapoor fans should press ALT + F4 immediately]

I would not blame anyone of you , if you confess that you are trembling in your boots or planning to settle in some foreign country by the mere mention of her name. I can understand your fright and your anxiety. After all, who isn't scared of her??

I was wondering what it would be like if she ever became the Prime Minister of India. Well, one thought led to another and one thing I can safely say is that India would not be "India" anymore. There is no 'k' in 'India'. Most certainly, she will amend the constitution to change the spelling of our country. Maybe she will propose radical reforms in the way we spell; with the evolution of silent k. India shall be spelt as Indika.

The only religion allowed to be preached and to be practiced will be Mihirism. Now before any of my communal readers prepare to draw out swords, let me explain. I am a Christian, and yet I stand in awe of Mihir. Jesus Christ rose from the dead only once and we began worshipping Him. Huh!! Mihir has died and was resurrected thrice. That is three times more than what Jesus managed to accomplish!! Jesus only died once, and we still don't know when (and if) he is going to revisit us. At least in Mihir we have someone who actually knows the way from Heaven to Earth and back again so well, that he dies and rises at will. Lord Mihir not only rises from the dead, but unlike Jesus, manages to undergo a plastic surgery before He gives darshan to his followers. Incase you did not know, that is Lord Mihir's way of finding his true disciples. Those who manage to recognise him shall be given a lead role in Ekta Kapoors' forthcoming movie or soaps.

Ah, talking of soaps... I am sure Ekta Kapoor would sue all the soap manufacturing companies on grounds of plagiarism. There can't be a Lux soap or a Cinthol Soap. I mean, there can either be her soaps, or NO soaps!! Since her soaps are readily available on Star channels from 7 in the evening to midnight, Indian people should bathe during those hours only. Products like Lux , Palmolive etc should find market else where, coz afterall Ekta will be providing us her soaps to wash.. err.. watch.

Unemployment will no longer be a problem. Trust me. She is obsessed with making TV serials, which run for an eternity. After becoming the prime minister, she will undertake the production of so many serials, that half of the Indian population will, directly or indirectly, be at her services.

There shall be a major revamp in our Education system with the introduction of her soaps in the form of books. Students will be studying the abridged versions of Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki, Kasauti Zindagi Ki and Kyonki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi. Courses will be offered by colleges, for graduation in Hindi/English or regional languages where they shall be studying the unabridged versions of Kyonki..... Soon we shall have professors with degrees like Masters In Saas Bahu, Doctorate in Prerna Basu's Affair and Research Scholar (Komolika). The dream of a literate India shall indeed see the light of the day.

Mahatama Gandhi was the Father of The Nation. Ekta Kapoor shall declare a holiday for Grandmother of the Nation. She is still searching for the correct date of birth of Ba. (Apparently she is unaware that people did not record the birth dates during the Harappan Civilisation!! But she has been consulting her astrologers and the results are awaited). An extra holiday is nothing to be sneezed at.

A new law will be passed which will allow only her brother Tushar Kapoor to play the lead in movies. So don't be surprised if you see Shahrukh Khan sitting on some railway station, with a begging bowl in his hand.

Now India has been spending billions of dollars on our Defence. But with Ekta Kapoor at the helm of affairs, no country will be dare to take a risk, by invading a country (i.e India.. err.. Indika) with over a billion lunatics.The money thus saved , will be utilised to pay the fees of all the astrologers and pundits, hired by Ekta Kapoor, to plan her daily chores. UPSC exams will be specially conducted to select the most worthy astrologers, to chalk out our foreign policies.

Jeetendra will be the Minister of Sports. He will be in-charge of teaching "How to be a Jumping Jack, without being a Jack Ass". His song "Dhal Gaya Din" will be used to teach the correct playing techniques to aspiring badminton athletes.

So many changes will occur if she becomes our Prime Minister. I don't know what will remain of India after her tenure as the PM gets over. (Going by her soaps, I must rephrase myself as "I don't know what will remain of India IF her tenure EVER gets over.). The mere mention of Ekta Kapoor or even Star Channel makes me want to poke my fingers into my eyes, travel up to my brains and swirl it round and round and round, till I die. I sincerely hope there are like minded people out there who share the same feeling.